Anecdotally, lawyers perceive January as being a very busy month for people seeking a divorce.  It has been historically known as “Divorce Month”.  I’m not aware of actual statistics that bear this out, but it does appear that many families try to keep it together until after the holidays. Certainly, the pandemic has exposed cracks in relationships that may have accelerated the desire to change directions in relationships, including contemplating separation.  Marriage counselling may help, but if it doesn’t, you may find yourself in the unexpected place of wanting to separate.

​If people are considering separating, they should carefully explore the options they have to transition their family in a way that minimizes further damage to the relationships.
As a family law lawyer who has assisted many clients over the years, I have learned a few things that may be helpful to people who are contemplating separation:

Separation is STRESSFUL
For most people, the experience of separation and divorce is one of life’s most stressful events, second only to the death of a spouse1. Understanding that your stress level is high, and your partner’s stress level is high can give you insight as to why you both may be saying or doing things that under normal circumstances, you would not do or say.  People often act in ways that may seem out of character, which starts a cycle of doubt about the other person and the basis for your relationship.
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​This is not the person I FELL IN LOVE WITH
Often, people begin the process of separation with a desire to resolve issues peacefully.  They want to be respectful.  Sometimes, they have preconceived notions of what their separation will look like.  Surely, they will be one of the couples that lovingly share the parenting of their children, and have a friendly relationship after their divorce, just like in the movies.  So, what went wrong?  Why is the other person being so unreasonable? Who is this person?  Why is this not going the way I planned?

​There is a basic premise in family law that many people do not understand: Married couples share matrimonial properly, equally. I will break this down:
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MARRIED COUPLES
If a couple legally marries, there is a presumption in law that they intend to share. The corollary to that is that if a couple does not legal ly marry. there is no automatic presumption that the couple intended to share property, unless property is purchased jointly. (There are exceptions to this presumption in certain cases involving a joint family venture or trust claims.)

​MATRIMONIAL PROPERTY
This refers to assets or property acquired during the marital period. Property owned prior to marriage is excluded and property acquired after the date of separation (by choice or by death) is also excluded. Therefore, only the acquisition of assets which occurred during the marriage is shared. Assets that you owned prior to marriage is excluded from the sharing.

A marriage contract is useful tool if you have assets or interests you wish to protect before getting married. In fact, couples who discuss financial matters in a clear and honest way with each other prior to marriage have a mature and realistic approach to their relationship. It doesn’t have to be a negative thing. For example, if one partner has interests in family business or has been working with a partner who wants to ensure that the partner’s spouse does not acquire interest in the business, a marriage contract is a practical way to do that. And in the end, you want to know that the time and money spent on the negotiation of the agreement will pay off with a tight and enforceable contract in the event of separation. Cohabitation agreements and marriage contracts, (colloquially known as “prenups”) are one of the most frequently challenged documents in family law.

​There is nothing like a celebrity breakup to get people talking about certain issues around separation and divorce. A few years ago it was Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin talking about “conscientious uncoupling”. That sounds like doublespeak for what those of us who practice family law call a “collaborative family law” approach to separation and divorce. I was listening to CBC and there was talk about Johnny Depp’s divorce from Amber Heard. Apparently, an issue in their divorce was “who gets to keep the two dogs?” Yorkshire Terriers – Pistol and Boo. Without getting involved or being “judgy” about how these pets were named, it appears that in the final settlement, Heard got to keep the dogs.

​Custody disputes over pets are not uncommon. While typically, in Canadian law, pets are property. The reality is that pets form an integral part of the family, and often both parties have a close bond with the pet. When children are involved, care and control of the pet is often determined by the residency plan of the children. Sometimes, the pet moves with the children.